I don't know where my soul is...I don't know where my home is...

The Truth: Quote of the Day

“The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise.”
- Maya Angelou

The Diary: Heaven (Part 1)

I always heard that heaven was in the sky
Up high, up high...maybe where the eagles fly
Or even higher, past mars and the stars 
I can't even see


A concept unimaginable by a sinner like me...
A concept that can't exceed my fear of flight...
A concept I try to decipher in the night...


I can't find heaven, it's become encrypted like a code
Encrypted and lost, in a sinner's soul
Filled to the brim with the blood, sex, and money of my generation
Filled and it runneth over with lies and deceit of a sinner's nation


I can't find heaven no more
I lost the ancient map that God gave us long ago
Did it ever even exist?
In this world I don't know...


Is heaven what makes the sex good?
The money green?
The liquor mean? 
Is heaven that feeling when I wind my body to the beat of the song?
When my body says it's right....


And when my heart thinks it's right....or wait....is it wrong?




~Yours Truly, Miss Niah

Boom! Boom! Boom! Even Brighter Than The Moon...

The Truth: Quote of the Day

“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
― Maya Angelou

The Diary: Do You Remember Me?

Do you remember me?

It's a question I ask quite frequently If you answer yes, don't be surprised...by the look in my eyes because I can't believe you recognize someone 

who can't even see or remember herself...

who got lost in the mirror and refused help 

who got lost in the darkness and its depth

Do you remember me?

or perhaps you only remember the things I've done

 the things I've said...

or the mistakes I run from...

"Hey Niah, remember that time...."'

Nah, I can't, because when my past comes lurking

it's in the darkness I hide

it's in the light that I cry

and in the grey I wade in infected pride

Do you remember me?

What do you see?

The Sinner?

The Saint?

The Whore?

The Haint?

Please forgive me...

I forget which picture I paint 

which memories I arranged

...and all of the change-ups

Do you remember me?

Or is it all of your judgments that you see?

~Yours Truly, Miss Niah

You're beauty's deep inside...inside you...

The Truth: Quote Of The Day

“Live without pretending, love without depending, listen without defending, speak without offending.”

-Drake

The Truth: Hate

I know we've all at one point in life heard someone say " I wouldn't say that I hate her, but I strongly dislike her." or some variation of this sentence. In fact, I'm pretty sure everyone's guilty of at least saying it once. The reason I chose this particular topic is because I've recently caught myself saying this. As soon as the sentence left my mouth, that's when it hit me: What was I saying? It wasn't the slightest bit logical. Hate is the intense dislike or extreme aversion to someone. It's the hostility we feel when someone enters the darkest corners of our heart. It's the feeling that everyone tries to ignore and make syrupy sweet by tagging it as "dislike." I mean I can understand why, who wants to be the first to admit that there's darkness residing in them? That somewhere in life, something made them a little more cynical? A little more tainted? A little more...human? No one wants to be the first to reveal such an ugly, corrupted emotion. However we all have to start taking steps, because when it's your time God's not going to whip out a dictionary and argue with you about the semantics of hate and dislike; he's going to look in your heart and see what resides there. How can you say you don't have any hate in your heart when there are people who you wouldn't spit on if they were on fire? Places you wouldn't go if your life depended on it? Ideas, people, things, you reject because they are not your own? How can you say that? How can I? I pride myself on being open-minded but I'm the same girl who gets so angry with people and situations that I see red. The same girl who wanted to grind her heels in someone's face. The same girl who's lost her way on the path sometimes...and forgot why I'm so angry in the first place.
Tonight could be the night. We can all take steps and release the hidden darkness in our heart. Cleanse ourself truly. Let go of the "dislike" we feel. I mean we are human, we are flawed. We're not going to like everything all the time at every moment. Things are going to make us angry, things are going to boil our blood, things are going to burns us. But we must always remember forgiveness is the remedy. Love is the antidote. Acceptance is the way to make the darkness dissipate. So the next time you "dislike" someone or something, create the elixir that makes our heart invincible; add love, stir in acceptance, and create forgiveness.



~Yours Truly, Miss Niah

I don't want to be the girl that laughs the loudest...

The Truth: Quote of the Day

"I wear makeup and all of these other things, but I don't get caught up in it. I know what Janelle Monae Robinson looks like everyday, and I am comfortable with that."
-Janelle Monae

The Truth: Identity Theft

Be who you are...

As a generation who are we? Nicki Minaj? Lil Wayne? The hottest new song or the cutest clothing label? I mean really, who are we? Everyone today is so consumed with being "different" that it's becoming the norm to wear ridiculous clothing, bright colors, and spend hours thinking of a status or tweet to put online just so we can get a few likes or retweets. Everyone wants to be the next "it" girl or guy. Everyone wants to be the most philosophical individual, using recycled and insincere quotes that are just meant for shock value. No one wants to be themselves anymore...they want to be who the media tells them to be and label it as being different. I know that we as humans crave a certain amount of attention, but when is it enough? Is it when we've left our true self in the ashes of fear, and walked into the clouded fog of acceptance? It is when we've cleaned our body of our essence and present ourselves as media-pressed shiny shell? Hollowing out all the things that makes us truly an individual, and presenting something so paper-thin that we can't even remember who we were before? Just because you're on the latest music, that doesn't make you cool. Just because you have a pair of Cool Greys or have the latest fashion doesn't make you an individual. You can know every song that's on the radio and each new underground artists. You can know every fashion and make-up tip to date. You can say every quote that's online and even create a few yourself. But when you step away from the pressures of society, who are you? Are you an indivdual that can stand alone? Are you the same person you present to the world? Or have you gotten lost in society's expectations? I guess the one thing anyone reading this should take from this article, is to be who you are. Be that a Plain Jane, G.I. Jane, or Mary Jane. I know that as young people we haven't gotten it completely figured out, but one thing that we all are born with that will never change is our beautiful, pure personalites. Open your mind and heart. Remember who you are and let that shine from within...because who you are will outshine any clothes you wear, any song you know, and any quote you can give. Don't let society commit identity theft.

~Yours Truly, Miss Niah

Depend on how the wind blows...I might even paint my toes...

The Truth: Quote Of The Day

"Well, I know that I am a fighter and I will fight for something that I am very passionate about. My inner spirit, even when I am down, never gives up."
-Janelle Monae

The Diary: I Am a Woman

The Beauty of women

See I got a little dough on the side...
"You mean money right?"

No I mean I got a little thick in my thighs...

A sway in my hips
A smile on my lips
A curl in my toes

And a wrinkle in my nose

You see, because I am a woman

I have a voice full of soul...

And a body God molded

Perfectly...perfectly that is for me

From the love that is melted into my deep chocolate skin

To the pride I hold within

To the strength that arches my back

To the courage that keeps it all intact
But I can't forget the power that is in the curly strands of my hair or the mystery that I breath in with the air


You see, because I am a woman...


I come in all shapes and sizes
I come with all types of suprises
I can make you love me with the drop of a dime
I can make you crazy, make you lose your mind
These powers I hold are in my soul
Imbued in me like a permanent Gold
I am a delicate creature of God's creation
Something that is the beauty of nations
A prize surely to be desired
Something to set your soul on fire...


You see, because I am a woman.


A magical phenom to be sure
Something directly from modern and folk lore
You see I possess the magic of touch
The alchemy of love
And a pinch of lust
I have a few specks of spice
And a cool calm...like ice
A maternal softness
But I was born tough
Happy St. Patrick's Day...because I have a pinch of luck.
Unbelievable, amazing, yes all of this true...


You see, because I am a woman...and that is my gift, from me to you



~Yours Truly, Miss Niah

Mother never danced through fire showers...

The Truth: Quote Of The Day

" I’m trying to find my peace
  I was made to believe there’s something

 wrong with me

 And it hurts my heart
 Lord have mercy, ain’t it plain to see? "

-Janelle Monae

The Diary: Why She Weeps....

He asked me..."Is this why the African Geisha weeps?"

With blurred vision and a raspy whisper, I replied "Yes."

" I weep because of all things I do have...and I weep for all of the things I don't have."

I weep for...

all the beauty he has shown me...

all he told me I could be....

all the passion in his touch...

all the care he shows me so much...

all the laughs in that cute beginner's stage...

all the sacrifices that have been made...

I weep for...
the sun with all it's warmth and beauty...
the rain and it's cool slick, blessings and what they do to me...
the wind that fills my lungs with innocence so pure, it can't even be seen...
the stars that twinkle and reflect this poor black girl's dream...
the trees who's leaves playfully dance on my skin...
the dirt that cushions my feet that I wiggle my toes in...

I weep for...
all the times I heard "Get Out"...
all the times my opinion didn't count...
all the times I wondered why...
all the times it didn't even come as a suprise...
all the times a hand across my face left an emotional sting...
all the times I wish I had wings...


I weep for...
all the times I've heard "they're gone.."
all the times I've felt so alone...
all the times I was misunderstood...
all the times I hid under a hood...
all the times I heard snickers when I walked past...
all the times I've said "You can kiss my ass..."

The physical weeping never lasts long...
a tear here or there...

and then it just becomes a part of a silent, sad song...

~ Yours Truly, Miss Niah

The More Things Seem To Change....

The Truth: Quote Of The Day

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery.
None but ourselves can free our minds."
-Bob Marley

The Diary: When You Go Through Hell...

Finding Yourself...

When she fell into the hole, right into the depths of hell...

I tried to reach for her...but I slipped....I fell

as we tumbled through madness...

I tried to get her in my grasp

...but our fingers lost each other in the ash

...in the smoke she was gone in a flash

so I tumbled through the darkness all alone...

no helping hand, no love, no soul...

and what about my heart?

That shit was scarred a long time ago 

So I went through hell...no life, no soul

I tumbled through darkness...

through the fire...

I fell through hell in a daze

It was brutal, bloody, and sick in so many ways

I fell through my memories...I fell through time...

I relived so many nightmares...

I still cry sometimes....

The fire I felt I can never forget....

probably because of the damage it did

The blistered skin is a constant reminder

the pain and the suffering made it hard to find her...

I knew I could still find her if I kept my faith

but pretty soon that began to fade away

And that's when it happened, I hit rock bottom...

I found myself in the belly of hell...

bloody, broken, and just a damaged shell

I knew that I couldn't leave this place without her...

I couldn't walk away...I couldn't doubt her

So I wiped the blood off my face and did some soul searching

I knew I would find her where my demons were lurking...

I found her...weak and dying...

naked...beaten...alone...crying

I reached out my hand and said  "come with me"

I grabbed her hand so we could leave

We climbed through hell, at two different paces...

her dragging along...and me...barely making it

we almost lost each other again...but we fought it out

we made it to the end....

we came out of hell as one...

me and my soul....me and my one

we came to the surface with more fight...

we came back to life....

we felt the cool air...we felt the night

we danced by ourselves...we sung a song

happy we were together again

happy we were one...


~Yours Truly, Miss Niah

I came to win....

The Truth: Quote Of The Day

"Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I'm not perfect
-and I don't live to be-
but before you start pointing fingers...
make sure you hands are clean!" 

 

-Bob Marley 

The Diary: Judgement Part 1

For those with high opinions....

Judgement. The dictionary meaning of this word is: the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion. But in today's world the word has transformed  into an ugly cruel action. It's turned into persecution, misunderstanding, superiority, and inferiority. It's turned into "my way is better"  and "how could you do that, be that, say that?"

It's turned into modern-day crucification, deterioration, of the mind and soul, it's the new tool of war and it blows a hole...straight through me...for you hang me from a fucking cross and put the crown of thorns on my head....stick a spear in me, spit on me, and pray that I'm dead.

How could you judge me and don't know me? How could you penalize me for being me? You don't know who am I, what I've been through.You don't know me because you're not me, you're you...and for all those high opinions you have it's like you're not human at all. On your gold throne while I'm simple and small. You don't know who I am, where I've been, where I'm going...but you know enough to slap me and show me... I ain't nobody, I'm evil, I'm nasty, I'm someone who's full of sin and blasphemy....well I might not be perfect, hell I might be evil too...but I can tell you something...yes I got some news for you...if you think that life is black and white...bad and good...wake your ass up... look real good. Because if the world is black and white then I'll proudly say I'm covered with soot, I've made mistakes...got dirt on my foot...I've been bad, good, and all that in between...wicked, mean, sweet kind. I'm a strong ass indvidual with an awesome mind....

I've feared and conquered....weathered the storm....I'm happy I rolled in the mud...cut my knees...spilled a little blood....I've lived my life and that's true....but you in your clean white robe and spotless kingdom...if you look at your feet...you'll see the mud too.

~Your Truly, Miss Niah