The Diary: The Apology

I have to say, the past few months of my life have been eventful to say the least and because of this and my inner battles, blogging fell to the wayside. The gift of expressing myself seemed to be disappearing from me, poetic pockets of wisdom did not arouse me in the night, and it seemed I was forcing myself to be what I once was. I wasn't losing the passion...it just seemed that I was losing the talent. Even the times something refreshing and beautiful came to me...it didn't stay long enough for me to write it down...I would hover over my keyboard or notebook...and nothing but forced similes and stuffy metaphors would come. I felt like I was losing apart of myself and it was terrifying to me that I may never get it back. Thoughts were escaping me faster than I could write them down and it seemed writing was about to be a thing of the past. Now I realize, I was I'm changing. Now what does that have to do with writing? You see, I'm changing... (if you keep up with my blog you've read I'm afraid of change. If not It'll make since by the end. ) not in a bad way...but I'm beginning to come into myself, accepts my flaws, change my bad habits, and ultimately be a better person. While these are all good things, I once believed that the darkness within me was what fueled my ability to write. So what am I to do now that the darkness is fading? Hold on to some of it? Let it completely go? The solution that I'm working with now is to embrace the change, let it happen, and stop being so fearful of things to come. Now that I'm slowly flowing into the rhythm of words again, I realize it's time for me to expand as an artist, forget my past, forgive myself, and stop convincing myself I"m this...this cold, hard person that can't change. So I took the time to write this apology to myself so that I can always remind myself that in the end...everything will be okay. I'm just sorry it took me this long, to finally forgive myself, to forgive others, and let go. And while I'm not sure how this will affect me in the future, I realize that it's not my job to worry about the future...it's only my job to live and forgive....


I vow to always love myself first changes, flaws, and all....With that being said I'M BACK BABY!!!






~Yours Truly, Miss Niah